Life Lately

Alan flew in the afternoon prior to Valentine's Day, so we were able to spend our first (actual) Valentine's Day together, and it was nothing less than perfect. I had been craving breakfast burritos from my favorite diner for months, so I was stoked when he took me to Coronado for a delicious breakfast. Before you wonder why someone would be so excited for breakfast burritos, just know the struggle in Florida was real when it came to finding a decent burrito or anything Mexican food related for that matter--it just wasn't the same. It's safe to say that I have been indulging (maybe overindulging) in  Mexican food since settling back down in California. Before I tell you about this diner, let me just apologize for the lack of pictures from breakfast, but if you'll accept my excuse-- I was just really focused on stuffing my face while looking at my husband's handsome face while he talked. The place we went to is called Clayton's Coffee shop; a corner cafe on the famous Orange Ave in Coronado. While it's usually a lengthy wait to get seated and eat, nothing beats the cool 50's atmosphere it provides--besides their food. Alan ordered their breakfast chorizo burrito and I ordered their regular one with bacon, while Lyla devoured their blueberry Mickey Mouse shaped pancakes. After our bellies were filled with goodness, we took to Coronado Beach and enjoyed a pleasant walk on the beach getting our feet wet in the shallows of the Pacific. After the beach we moseyed on home to watched movies and cuddle--two weeks without cuddling was just two weeks too long. 

I had been pretty skeptical about our return to California, but it's been grounding. Coming back to the old has oddly brought a fresh start for us. Alan and I have worked through some things we were struggling with; sometimes all people need is a little reminder as to why they started what they did in the first place. Lyla has been talking up a storm and since purchasing a membership with LA Fitness she gets two hours every day to play with kids and I get time to work on my fitness. Okay, okay, maybe not every day but at least 5 days out of the week she goes to Kids Club while I or Alan and I workout. I am so grateful to have a husband that's "okay" with working out with me; we motivate each other, and I feel like being able to motivate your significant other is something that is extremely vital for a healthy relationship and something that has helped us grow even closer. 

That's pretty much all that has been happening on my end, just lots of Mexican food, leg days, sunny weather, and love. Oh, and the occasional Gossip Girl binge...which reminds me, Fuller House will be streaming in just 3 days!! SO EXCITED! How about you? 

Lyla striking a pose on a random doorstep in Coronado/ She really wanted to make this beach a Nude Beach, but she settled for undies and a top. 
Flowers that made their way into our home.

We've been bad, so bad...but it was so good. 

Grief 12 Years Later

When I was in elementary school, my friend had invited me to go with her family to a country concert at the Crystal Palace. On the way to the concert her Dad had brought up how much it hurts to lose a loved one-- at this point it had only been a few months since I lost my sister. Even though I don't talk to this friend anymore (we just went our separate ways) what her Dad said that day, stuck with me. 

He spoke on how people say things will be okay even though they won't or have little idea if they will, that it doesn't ever get easier like people tell you it will, and though the pain will never go away you just learn how to cope (eventually, or not at all). Out of the many people who had something to say to me, I valued his the voice most, because it was honest.What he said didn't give me any false hope. For the first time since my sister passed, I wasn't being spoken to like a naive child; people didn't realize, but my childhood ended the same night my sister died. As sad as it sounds and however much people would like to disagree; it's true. A lot of people assume that I don't remember much from that night,but the fact of the matter is I remember every little detail. I became a little girl whose sole mission was not to cry, because I couldn't bare seeing my parents cry. 

People don't understand how much a family can disconnect, especially when we're all trying to avoid the unavoidable. Things weren't easy at home, at school I was the "the girl whose sister died" (an identity that still follows me), I wasn't able to connect with my friends anymore and the one friend I that I was able to connect with, passed away two years after my sister. I was 12 years old dealing with way more than I could handle, way more than any of my friends could understand, and way more than any stupid Chicken Noodle Soup book could relate to. 

Eventually, all my sadness turned into anger which ate my heart away. I became someone I didn't like, someone that my own parents couldn't even recognize, someone who just didn't care. I was just tired of it all and it became easier to be angry than it was to mend myself. I ended up going to a boarding school in Yaak, Montana (a whole different story) and as much as I hated being there, I was given the space I needed to finally accept that my sister was gone and my life would never be the same. I learned that I will always be a little sad on holidays and special occasions, and that there will never be a day that I don't miss my sister (or my bestfriend), but that doesn't mean I can't be happy. 

I've come to realize that grief is incredibly lonely. No matter how many people you have surrounding you, at the end of the day you're left to deal with it by yourself. I say that because everyone deals with grief in their own way and no way is wrong. Grief is a journey, one that is ugly, yet beautiful. It's a process that you have to let happen before it consumes you. 

They say there are five stages to grief: denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance; but what about rediscovery or reconciliation? No one talks about what it's like to find yourself again or how to forgive yourself as well as rekindle relationships with other people that may have been broken during the process--which is where I am right now. My journey hasn't been easy, but it has made me love a little harder and appreciate more. Through my weaknesses, I have found my strength.  

xoxo, Lo 

Valentine's Day Brownies

Hey there! Despite my last post, I can't contain my excitement for Valentine's Day this year. Out of the five years I've been with Alan, this is the first Valentine's we'll get to spend with each other(on the actual day). Usually we've been a part or he's had to work some crazy long hours; it almost didn't happen this year either, but luckily he will be back home the day before Valentine's --yay! I've really missed him these past couple of weeks, and I'm yearning for some quality time with my bestfriend --if ya' know what I mean. To keep my mind off of missing Alan, I've had to keep my schedule filled with activities; one being challenging my inner baker. I'm going to let you guys in on a little secret-- I am a terrible baker, like,  I am a serial killer of cakes. I'm slowly getting better; which is why I am thrilled to share these DIY Valentine's Day treats with you, because if I can make them, so can you!

What you'll need:
Brownie Mix
9x13 pan
Cream cheese frosting
Red food coloring
Heart shaped cookie cutters
Parchment paper
Ziploc bag

Directions: Grease 9x13 baking dish, bake as directed on the box. Let the brownies cool, I repeat, LET THEM COOL (this might take a few hours). I covered mine with saran wrap then poked holes in the wrap with a fork and stuck them outside for about an hour and they still weren't cool enough. Using the heart shaped cookie cutters, began cutting your shapes out in the pan and then carefully place them on parchment paper. Cut the heart shapes close together, ensuring you get the most out of your brownies as possible. Next mix a 1-3 drops of red food coloring into half a jar of frosting and mix until pink (or desired color), place the colored frosting into a ziploc bag and squeeze towards a bottom corner of the bag, twist the top of the bag imitating an icing bag then cut the very tip off creating a small hole. Lastly, ice the brownies, add the sprinkles, and then place in fridge for 10 minutes to help solidify the frosting.


Anti-Valentine's Day, It's A Thing

I've spent the last few days browsing the internet just to prove that Anti-Valentine's exists -- sorry, not sorry.Valentine's Day is a love/hate holiday, and you should be free to love or hate it as you wish. This post is dedicated to those of you who hate it this year (or every year); love bites! Here's a list of accessories to help you embrace your bitter side a tad more. 

Exes and Hoes, 

Sassy T-shirt  , so they'll stop asking for your number.

Anti-Valentine ; don't forget the tequila! 

Let everyone know you support Netflix and Chill.

Go Away Tapestry, because subtle hints don't always work. 

Set fire to the flame with these sassy lighter cases

Have your mug of Coffee with a little whiskey.

Single and hungry shirt , perfect for your Tinder profile pic. 

I do what I want mug  , because we all know that's the best part about being single. 

Sushi before--well, anything really; which is why you should frame this.